In a World That Hurts, One Question Helped Me Move Forward

In the midst of grief, noise, and change, one small question can land like a spell and remind us what we want and why we’re here.

As the slower rhythm of summer - at least in parts of the social sector - gave way to the familiar urgency of fall, I started to feel overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by everything I had to do and everything I wasn’t doing. I kept telling myself: Efraín, the year is almost over. You need to get moving. Talk to more people. Work on your writing. Plan the next phase of your creative practice. Get funding. Go to conferences…

I started to feel increasingly anxious. As September came to a close, it was hard to determine where to begin or what to prioritize.

The state of the world and my choice to center my own creative practice more fully brought with it excitement but also fear and vulnerability. After years of contributing to collective visions, stepping into something that is fully mine felt both expansive and tender. I didn’t notice it at first, but I began slipping into a place of “supposed to.” What’s expected. What’s palatable. What will make people feel comfortable. Eventually, that pressure became exhausting and paralyzing at times.

In a moment of frustration, I shared all of this with one of my spiritual guides. She looked at me through Zoom and said, kindly but firmly:

“It feels to me like, in the midst of all this change, you lost your voice. People are doing this or not doing that, philanthropy is shifting, relationships come and go… but in the middle of all this: ¿Qué quieres, Efra? ¿Qué te mereces?”

(What do you want, Efraín? What do you deserve?)

Her words landed like a spell in my body. They opened something in me that had been there all along, but I had forgotten. And what surprised me most was how quickly I realized: I couldn’t answer. I could not articulate what I wanted. 

I had been moving through so much change in such an uncertain world, and “should” had become king. I was saying the right things. Doing the right things. Surviving the shifts.

But I hadn’t asked myself the simplest question:

What do I want? Or Why am I doing all this?

When that question landed, I cried. Like, a lot. (If you know me, you know I love a good cry.) And in the middle of those tears, my soul started to remind me what this life is really about.

That same evening, I lit a candle. Poured a glass of wine (or two). Played some Bad Bunny. And sat down with myself. A cute queer date with my soul. I wrote down what I truly want. What I deeply desire. And slowly, I started to remember.

Once I named those desires, the next steps came more easily. The confusion lifted a bit. The paralysis loosened. I could move with more clarity. And sharing this reflection with you here is part of that return. It’s part of remembering how to move from desire instead of fear.

There had been signs all around: work shifting, home shifting, invitations to slow down and listen. But I hadn’t let myself hear them, yet. It took reaching my edge for Itzel’s gentle question to open the door.

I’m sharing this in case you, too, are feeling overwhelmed or stuck. The world makes it easy to move from fear, from urgency, from the need to prove or perform. But there’s another way. A softer way to move through all of that but with purpose.

Just pause. And ask:

What do I want? What do I deserve?

What’s one small step I can take this week to move toward that?

Remembering what I want has helped me stop chasing what I don’t. It’s helped me stay grounded in the present. Pay less attention to situations and people who aren’t part of the future I’m building. And in a world where the future feels so uncertain for me and my communities, it gives me just a bit more peace. A bit more power.

“Though we tremble before uncertain futures, may we meet illness, death, and adversity with strength; may we dance in the face of our fears.”

—GLORIA ANZALDÚA

So I’m hoping this small invitation to recenter your desires helps you find a little more clarity, a little more ease, a little more ground beneath your feet.

Clarity is available to us. We can live from what we want and begin today.